Specific Phobia

I am beginning to figure out the specific fear that always fills my stomach up, gives me dizziness in the head, and causes my knees to tremble like I'm having malaria or some mosquito related illness like that.

The thing is, every time I had to go see my Advisor, I have this great fear that clutches the whole of me and seems to snap at me everywhere in the face.  My appetite disappears and I get the feels of how it would be like when the world comes to an end and I stand between heaven and hell on Judgement Day.

I looked it up on the net and came up with 'specific phobias' that some people have.  But I seem to be falling out of the definition.

That's when I realized that it's only when I haven't been on the right track with what I am expected to do that my body sends me all those warning signals telling me everything is going to go wrong unless I pick up my slothful lazy self, focus on the task at hand, break free of all that distracts me and freaken get down to real business for goodness sake.

Dayyymm girl!!!!!!

Specific phobia?

Yeah Right!  The struggle is not even real.  Epic.  Fail.  Shame. Duks! :) :)

Deadline is coming. I'm pulling up my socks.  See you on the other side dear Thesis.

Love, Ny.

I forget to breathe sometimes.

'You know I forget to breathe sometimes.
I'm so afraid to fall behind.
Why do I let the pressure take over my mind.
When I know the truth is never wrong.
I'm alright.
This is right where I belong.' - Tori Kelly (Luv dis girl :) )

DEEP.

The lyrics couldn't be any further from the truth.  My truth.  Pressures of all kinds flood my mind day and night.  I could never keep up sometimes.  I forget to slow down.  I forget to take a breather.  I forget to say a simple prayer.  I forget about my self.  And not just sometimes.  Most of the time.

I live. Yes I do.  But is weighing oneself down with unnecessary worries living at all?

People.  Relationships.  Friends.  Family.  Research.  Writing.  Labmates.  Advisor.  Money.  Food.  Plans.  Plans.  Plans.  Future.  Future Husband.  Ok.  There we go.  Future Husband.

I'm done.

Love, Ny.

My Amazing God

Yesterday was a blast.

A girls day out at Liangshan waterfall just a few 30 minutes from NPUST.

Standing there at the bottom of the falls water as it comes crashing down on me, I think of the greatness and faithfulness of God.  I think of His ways and thoughts being higher than ours.  I think of how He has brought me here, how gracious He is in everything and how He has marvelously blessed me in so many ways.

I have a truly amazing God.

I am reminded that it doesn't matter whatever chaos there is in our lives.  When we have God there's always a peaceful place that we can run to.

A silvery scene of quietness in the midst of turmoil was what I was envisioning while floating above the beautiful waters with the sounds of rushing falls just a few meters away from my reach.

As excited as I was about the journey I am about to embark on, I am also scared for the tribulations that lie ahead of me as well as for my sanity.  So God help me.

I am grateful and will always be for I believe God is the Author and the Finisher of His purpose and will for my life.

May His Name Be Praised!

Love, Ny.

Let God restore.

Been going through a lot lately.  You know how there are times that you go from one hurt to another, and then you meet someone so genuine, so nice but you've already decided you have to take time away from the dating scene and be on your own for awhile?  Well the timing couldn't be more right for my present situation.

I am not perfect.  I will never be and I don't strive to be.  I'm very stubborn at times.  I let pride in and I fall.  And the worse part was that I fall right in front of other people too.

Sometimes I just can't deal.  

My faith, my only rock, however weak it is, will always be the one thing I trust to keep me going.  I will find strength in all this.  For I know my God is by my side.

My reading today from the Word for Today Devotional was 'Let God restore You'.  

Daniel 4:34-36 NKJV
'I...lifted my eyes to Heaven, and...I was restored...'

'You can hurt so much that you stop trusting everybody, including God.  You stop praying and reading the Bible, you avoid those who want to help, and you refuse to let anybody pray for you.

The Bible says, 'Do not harden your hearts' (Hebrews 3:35 NKJV)

Today, acknowledge that you've fallen and let God restore you.'

Let it be our prayer today to 'Let God restore us'. Amen.

Love, Ny.

Haka Prac

So decided to post a video today.  More will be posted in the future.

Today I want to start with the not so long ago past, of some of us, the Coconuts, practising the Haka with our boys for NPUST Sports Day, 2015.

Enjoy.

Love, Ny.  

Blessed random day

Woke up this morning to find my lab mate sitting at his desk a meter away from the foot of the spring bed I was sleeping on.  Jumped right up, straight to my desk, head bowed, and completed the last 5 minutes of my beauty sleep.  Precious sleep.

The lab has become my home.  My lab mates and I.  We are family.

Giving myself another 2 hrs before I check on my Advisor.  I'll always believe he was sent straight from heaven to be my Savior.  God bless his soul.

God bless this day.

Love, Ny.

Stress-smiling mode before pulling an all -niter.

God bless my poor deep-in-thought-18-hrs-a-day brain, for today I move on from a (very, very, very, nausea-causing, wanna-kill-myself-type-of-feeling) difficult phase.

Oh wait.  I'll get back to you guys on this one.

Need to complete correcting my Masters thesis before my Advisor chases me out of his office tomorrow.  Today.

Time check: 12:43am

Cappucino, please be my nightingale tonight.

Sweet dreams folks.

Love, Ny.