Finding strength in God (and Monday morning rambling).

Still trying to get a hang on this writing thing.  Been awhile since I've written a 18/20 narrative essay :).  Yeah that was back in high school at KGVI, Solies.  Please excuse my lack of good grammar, incoherence and lame sentence structure.  Still trying to get back into the flow I used to have back in the days.  So good luck to me.

A very good morning from the beautiful NPUST campus, Pingtung.  It's sunny today, no signs of drizzles of any kind.  The skies are a clear blue.  But you  can never tell sometimes how the weather will keep up throughout the day.  Taiwan is just well known for its 4 season a day weather.

Final copies of my thesis are coming along and very much hoping everything will turn out okay so I could have them formally printed this week.  Then we can move on to the next phase in this masters-to-phd transition plateau.

6 more weeks till classes begin.  I am still enjoying the quietness and solace around the campus.  The late nights hangouts here and there.  Chilling like there's no tomorrow.

Okay I'm gonna stop here before I exaggerate about how I'm relaxing.  Like hello Ny you have a paper to publish or else kick start your PhD project.  And that's actually the reality.  Very limited time for chilling even on a summer vacation.  Gotta love graduate school.

Clock reads 8:35am and I'm still catching up on emails and messages from friends in the Solies.  Miss home.  But life is always where you are in the present.  So jia you Ny.

Thinking and praying for my dear sister and very very very close and special friend S.B. in the Solies today.

We will always find strength in God when we draw close to Him.

Love, Ny.

Specific Phobia

I am beginning to figure out the specific fear that always fills my stomach up, gives me dizziness in the head, and causes my knees to tremble like I'm having malaria or some mosquito related illness like that.

The thing is, every time I had to go see my Advisor, I have this great fear that clutches the whole of me and seems to snap at me everywhere in the face.  My appetite disappears and I get the feels of how it would be like when the world comes to an end and I stand between heaven and hell on Judgement Day.

I looked it up on the net and came up with 'specific phobias' that some people have.  But I seem to be falling out of the definition.

That's when I realized that it's only when I haven't been on the right track with what I am expected to do that my body sends me all those warning signals telling me everything is going to go wrong unless I pick up my slothful lazy self, focus on the task at hand, break free of all that distracts me and freaken get down to real business for goodness sake.

Dayyymm girl!!!!!!

Specific phobia?

Yeah Right!  The struggle is not even real.  Epic.  Fail.  Shame. Duks! :) :)

Deadline is coming. I'm pulling up my socks.  See you on the other side dear Thesis.

Love, Ny.

I forget to breathe sometimes.

'You know I forget to breathe sometimes.
I'm so afraid to fall behind.
Why do I let the pressure take over my mind.
When I know the truth is never wrong.
I'm alright.
This is right where I belong.' - Tori Kelly (Luv dis girl :) )

DEEP.

The lyrics couldn't be any further from the truth.  My truth.  Pressures of all kinds flood my mind day and night.  I could never keep up sometimes.  I forget to slow down.  I forget to take a breather.  I forget to say a simple prayer.  I forget about my self.  And not just sometimes.  Most of the time.

I live. Yes I do.  But is weighing oneself down with unnecessary worries living at all?

People.  Relationships.  Friends.  Family.  Research.  Writing.  Labmates.  Advisor.  Money.  Food.  Plans.  Plans.  Plans.  Future.  Future Husband.  Ok.  There we go.  Future Husband.

I'm done.

Love, Ny.