Praying for someone who wants to be a part of my life.

Now what a title that was.  I am close to even gasping at it my self.  But that's exactly what I'm doing now.  Praying my heart out, being content and being at peace that there is someone out there praying to be a part of my life.  Someone who would die to spend their days and nights with me.

Today I thank God for that someone.

It's been a year since I left this blog.  PhD has totally taken over.  I've been doing experiments, writing manuscripts, reviewing peer-reviewed papers, going to classes and doing the usual, eating, drinking, sleeping, waking up and let's not forget, stressing!! :)

Well phewww! What a year that was.  It was certainly a loooong year that went by like a flash.  I've been so busy learning, so busy planning, so busy thinking, and so busy trying to organize my personal life, plus praying, falling, praying and falling again from time to time and all at the same time.

Tis been a year of change for me on so many levels too.  God knows how I waded through those deep waters.  The ups and the downs, the dramas and the chaos.  Those are the only things I could think of.
The happy times?  Well, sad to say, are not so much on my memory.  Truthfully, when I try to think of my happy times, the only thing I could think of is, that things could be worse.  So trash it.  Screw it.  I'd rather say God is good, God is great, God is faithful, than give myself brain damage trying to think of good times.

Now let's get back to the title.

So I've thought about it, and have decided to be single, and have officially been for the past months.

You know I've learned, I've thrived, I've prayed, I've cried and many times over I've gone crazy about this whole relationship/single/love life issue thing.  But recently, for the first time in years, I've actually been able to stand up strong, to not settle for whatever/whoever comes along, and to be at peace with myself.  To be at peace being single.  To be content that even if someone does not want me in their life, I can still go on living a contented life.  To do it because of me.  Because I choose to and not because of other people, specifically not because of a guy.

I will continue to pray, to thank God, to smile and be happy, be content and be at peace.   I stand my ground for peace of mind, for contentment, for happiness, for joy, for hope, for faith and for love.

For our lives are in His hands.  Our plans are in His hands.

Today I thank God for that someone.  I want to be a part of your life too.

Love, Ny.

I don't want to do 5 years of PhD!!!!!

Are these people crazy?  They think I'm going to sit around and take my time with this PhD thingy and take up 5 bloody lonely years to graduate?

Freaken hail to the NO I ain't be sticking around here.

You wanna know what I'll be doing in my fifth year from now?  I'll be counting stars baby.

Yeah you heard me.  I'll be counting lots of stars.  Guess that'd be lots of me's.  I'll be counting me!!!

Love you all my angelic labmates, but wait till I prove your chit chatting wrong (and they do it right in front of me too - I can hear and understand every word youz are saying about me you IDs).

So long my doves.

Love, Ny.

To be or not to be excited.

I don't even know what that title means.  The only thing I'm sure of is I am too excited right now to even do work.  It's coming up my neck and I'm seriously gonna drown in my own excitement.

Yes!  Just got word from my advisor that I am presenting a poster this year in December at the annual Food Science Conference in Taipei.  Sooooooooo... yesss!  Yes I am excited.  Nervously excited but more excited than nervous and the funny thing is that I don't really know the real reason why.

Ok so I get it.  I am putting my work out there.  I have just handed in the draft for my paper to submit to a scientific journal online.  And now doing a real poster.  Yes, a real one this time.  Not just for a seminar class.  But this excitement is a little too much.  It just seems a bit over the top.  So I'm hoping one thing is going to lead to another and that this is gonna be worth it.

Save my PhD project for a few days later this week.  Because this present few days are going to be dedicated to my nicely decorated symmetrically arranged poster with personally customized and creatively (I like to think so) selected colors.  And I'm hoping to pat myself on the back after it is done.

Now breathing heavily as if I'm about to be presented with an award or something awesome like that.  I am getting ahead of myself now and so full of it.  Though it's just a feeling.  That I know.  I just hope I calm down sooner than later so I can get down to real work and make it come out brilliantly great.

I love my work.  Yes.  And I am so excited for great things ahead.

Love, Ny.

I love my work. Period.

I don't know how to write anymore.  It's been a while.  But today my work has reached deep into me to bring at least some words out.

I love my work.  I really do.  I'm passionate when it comes to reading, analyzing, deducing, adding to and writing about my research work.  Oh God!  The sighs that come out whenever I print a page or two of my drafts.  The simple paper in black and white in front of me, lifts my spirits, makes me nervous every time and takes me back to my primary school years when I used to wake up at 4 am in the mornings, go to the little store room by the kitchen that I use as my study room and do my homework and readings.  Once my maternal grandfather found me in there doing my work early in the morning.  He said something that has stayed with me till this very day and will continue to push me on.  It was in his mother tongue, but it went something like 'This little girl is very young, but has a big desire to study'.  That line may have taken me this far and will continue to do so until my very last breath.

My passion for the things I do.  I don't know how deep they are, or how long they will last, or how much strength I have to keep them there and bring forth fruits that will help to impact my generation.  All I know is that I love my work so much.  Take me away from it and I will detest the very nature in you.

And that will be all for today.  If any has even been wondering about this at all.  :P (that's an emoji with tongue showing).

Sooooooo..... handing in the first draft for my paper to my advisor this morning.

Oh God!

Love, Ny.

Going crazy crazy crazy just writing about my research' - remix on KC and Jojo's 'Crazy'

Dis crazy world of writing be making me cringe and coil (Again!).

You know how you write (ok maybe it's just me when I write), and you had printed a good copy of your draft, even gave it to your advisor to check.  Then after a day or two you pick up the draft (when you're refreshed) to check the paper again and you find mistakes.  One mistake.  Ok now that's fine, I can just correct that easily and reprint again.  Oh wait!  Two mistakes.  What!  No!  Third.  Fourth.  And now the results section is full of it.  And the discussion looks like a blind person putting together points from all over the place.

Wwwwwhhhaaaat was I thinking?  There's just so many you can swirl them up together in the ingredients bowl and bake a whole delicious cake and name it 'I'm a freak' cake.

Yeah that's exactly how I'm feeling now.  I'm doomed.

"I'm going craze, craze, craze, craze, thinking about you latelyyyyy!!
I'm going crazy, crazy, cos I can't get this thing under control.
Crazy, crazy, cos my mind has been clouded so much lately
Crazy, crazy, till I can present a perfect draft againnnnnn"
Echo: I can print it, I can print it, I can print a ferfect draft... oooh oooh yeah yeahhhh..  (music fades)

Worse if you find mistakes in your official Master Thesis copies.

MASTER THESIS COPIES.  THE OFFICIAL ONES!!!!!

I AM SO FAR AWAY RIGHT NOW AND DOOOOOOOMEDDDDDDDD!!!!!!

I'm gonna speak in tongues soon.  DON'T GET CLOSE!!!!

DANGER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok whatever.

Blehhhhh!!!!!

Love, Ny.

Sophisticated yet simple.

Huh!

So I abruptly told a future landscaper today that I wanted the landscape of my library building (Ny Vision Library) to have a 'sophisticated yet simple' look.

Ny Vision Library is still in the works (in my head that is).  So in my head, the overall organizational structure is already planned out and envisioned.  It will have one main center with branches wherever there is a high density of my relatives and their families.  I plan to boost the idea of education into the young minds and hearts of kids around the areas I live whether in the towns or the villages.  The location we're talking about here is back home, in the Solomon Islands.

The designs are coming out bit by bit.  The resources, the users, the mission statement, the reasons why there is a need for this vision, the spaces and a whole lot more other things that will be a part of this project.  Plans for the budget, advertising and sponsors are still in the books.  I meant in the ppt files in the Ny Vision Library folder in my Google Drive.

Sophisticated yet simple.

It just came up.  I don't know how in the world I came up with the phrase.  I even had to look it up on the net.  I think it came up for a destined, still unknown, reason.  Because looking it up on the net, I found that it's a more personal style, all up to the designer and the owner.  That it can be for houses, clothes, fashion, food, anything you can think of really.

I see myself as a hopeful owner.  Owner of a lot of things that won't be disclosed here as yet.  Till the time is right.  But I guess I have now disclosed that I am the proud owner of a still-in-the-planning-stage sophisticated yet simple landscaped library building.

The young landscaper chuckled when he saw the phrase.  I might have just presented him with the first ever real challenge of his life.  I hope I just boosted a desire of enthusiasm in him for his work.  Because I haven't even pictured how sophisticated yet simple my first library building landscape would look like.

Oh God! (this is how I pray when I'm faced with a huge dilemma)

I rest my case.

Love, Ny.

Looking forward to something.

I've always loved looking forward to something.  I still do.  Always.  For anything good, pleasant, desirable.

I love the idea of having different things happening all at the same time so I don't need to have a break.  I can go from doing one thing and straight on to another.

After my day is done, I'd like to know that there is food that I'm willing to go back home for to prepare. Or that there is money available to buy food, cooked or uncooked.  Or that there is something waiting for me.  Or someone somewhere to meet up and hang out.  Or that there are friends who are up to something that I could be a part of.  After all the activities of the day are done, I'd like to have sleep come at me and knock me down at the instant that I want it to.

When it comes to having a meal in front of me, I like to have a variety of food types on my plate.  While I'm eating rice, there should be meat to look forward to.  With the meat I'd like some veges on the side.  Some colored greens.  There should be some tasty looking protein-labeled ration to give the food a side flavor to remember after meal time has passed.  Soup that's thick and ready to be savored would be much appreciated if there's an opportunity for it.  Salad gives a meal it's nutritiously-healthy air.  Whether it'd be vegetable or fruit salad.  Add it to my cuisine please.  Dessert is not mandatory, but always appreciated.  Just a little would do.  Now for the drink.  My, oh my.  For the love of money, drinks can't be left out, don't you dare leave it out.  From thick orange or apple juice to a banana smoothie to those sparkling glasses of cocktail making me swoon.  I'd fancy myself to some wine if you don't mind.  Now I'm getting carried away with food variety of my fantasies.

It's not only food that I like to look forward too.  I like to look forward to exam results when I'm anticipating great ones of course.  I look forward to moving.  To new places.  New feelings.  New plans.  New and fresh promises.  New love.  Oh.  Here we go.  New Love.  Sounds fascinating and pleasant already just by the mention of it.

I guess I don't give up then.  I don't back down just cos something or someone pushes me into a dark corner and suppresses me for a period of time.  I always get up again.  I always set something up again.  Something to look forward to again.

To be frank, things have been tough.  Reality has molded, shaped, bent and broken me.  It has played me over and over.  I have had to let go of a lot of things and people.  I have also had to just accept things (and people) for the way they are.  But I always come out of them.  I've always learned to learn from them.  I've always picked myself up and had kept moving.

Looking forward to something has always been a good feeling to be transfixed in.  In that particular moment, you know, you are happy, you smile and you savor joyously a perfect moment that even though would pass anyway, at that moment, it was truly yours.

Looking forward to something good.  Or just merely looking forward.  That in itself is already good enough.

Love, Ny.